Insomnia
by iRegularL7Square
Summary: Sakura watched her mother commit suicide. Now she lives in the mental institution and she can't sleep. When the new boy, Gaara, is admitted they find they have something in common: They both have insomnia. Note: This is a romance. GaaSaku. Please Review!
1. One

**Insomnia**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Summary: **Sakura watched her mother commit suicide. Now she lives in the mental institution and she can't sleep. When she tries all she can see is blood. When the new boy, Gaara, is admitted they find they have something in common: They both have insomnia.

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I can't sleep anymore. When I close my eyes against the velvety black night all I can see is the vivid red splash and I hear the quiet, "Shh..." in my ears. When I was small my mother would sing to me. That's my only fond memory of her. My mind won't let me forget. Not her, and not that night.

When I look in the mirror I do not see my mother. All I can see is lack of sleep. People tell me sorry for what happened. When they look at me all I can see is the pity. It angers me to no end when they tell me it will be okay.

It will not be okay. You can not bring back the dead. I will never get over losing her.

When I was young I once asked my teacher how she got over losing her son. She looked at me with aged eyes, so deep they looked like they held the world, and said, "I never got over it, I only learned to deal with it."

I was so sure that something bad could never happen to me.

Looking back now, it should have been obvious what was happening. My mother was never a happy person. The only time she smiled was when she was singing. When my dad left she stopped that too. She cleaned the house for days, wiping out my father's existence.

She went through my closet and threw away everything. She organized for weeks. She sold my father's car and bought us new things to fill the house with. When I asked about my father she told me to just forget about him. That's what he did with us.

I remember the look on her face when she got the letter. Her lips made a perfectly round "O" and her eyes were so wide I thought they would fall out. Short gasps came out of her mouth, and it sounded like her lungs stopped working.

I read the letter later, when she was on the phone.

_I'm sorry I had to leave. It was the best thing for me. It's sad to say, but I stopped loving you long ago. The only reason I was ever attracted to you was your heavenly voice. I am truly sorry if I hurt you. Please go on without me. Take care of our child, and teach her to sing. Someday she will have a true love, and perhaps it will last like our did not. I know this is very harsh of me, but I know you can take it. You were always a hard, cold woman. Find love with someone else, someone who adores you. Forget me, and all we ever had. I am gone now, forever, and if you hear from me again it would be a miracle. I'm sorry. _

The letter shocked me. My father was worthless. He never loved my mother, or me. From that moment I started to hate him.

Six months later she got another letter.

_Miss Haruno,_

_we are sorry to inform you that Mr. Haruno was found dead in a hotel bathroom on the 6th of May. The autopsy report shows excessive liver damage from binge drinking. For an extensive report please visit the Konoha police department. We are very sorry for your loss._

When my mother read this letter her face was expressionless. She sat at the kitchen table for a very long time, staring at the wall.

I sat there with her until it got dark. I went up to my room and took a shower. When I got out I put on my clothes for sleep and walked out to the hall. When I turned the corner to go down the stairs I saw my mother standing in the living room, staring at the floor. Her arms here limp at her sides and her hair covered her face.

"M-mommy?" I whimpered. She looked at me, and she had this big smile on her face, like I was the funniest thing ever. She brought her finger to her lips. "Shh..."

Her other hand came up to her head. She was holding a gun. She closed her eyes for a second. She looked like an angel then, standing so frail in the middle of the room, holding all this pain inside. I expected wings to sprout from her back.

Then she pulled the trigger.

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**Authors Note: So, what do you think so far? Just to let you know, this will be a romance. Please don't expect too much out of me. Anyway, please please please review! I need feedback!! Tell me if you want me to continue the story!!! Suggestions and flames are welcome. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Two

**Insomnia**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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At night I sit in this chair. It's a big fluffy blue recliner. It sits in the middle of the "living room" in the institution, Shady Oaks.

I was admitted here when I was seven, a week after my mother killed herself. I'm 16 now.

I see people come and go here. No one I've seen has stayed as long as me. Surprisingly, I'm okay with that. This place is my home, and I'm comfortable here. I know the nurses like family, and it's nice to make friends with some of the patients.

On the other hand though there are downsides. During the day there are fights, and screaming thrashing bodies being dragged around. You see drugged zombies, and comatose children. I hate it when people die in here. Crowds gather and rape the deceased with their eyes.

At night you can hear the screams of nightmares come to life. I always fought the urge to cover my ears against their torment. I think something almost noble about making myself listen, like maybe I'm sharing their pain.

I know that I'm not bad off. I still know who I am and what day it is. I don't have to take the medication.

Seeing my mother kill herself didn't have a huge traumatic affect on me. That is, if you don't count the fact that I can't close my eyes for more than ten seconds without seeing her brains across the floor.

When I was first brought here they gave me therapy. It was always hard on me, remembering it when it was so fresh in my mind. The doctors hypnotized me once, and when I woke from it all I could hear was this loud hoarse screaming, like someone was being murdered.

Then I realized it was _my_ voice that sounded so awful.

I don't think the therapy helped much, but I learned to deal with it in my own way. I began to play music. The guitar, piano, violin. I learned so much about music that I didn't have time to think about anything else.

I also started to sing. I sang in a soft voice to myself, as though it was my mothers voice trying to put me to sleep.

And I drew. I drew and drew and drew. Everyone I saw I tried to memorize their face and draw it exactly. I drew fairies flying through enchanted worlds, leaving earthly worries behind. I drew my mother an angel sometimes, the way she looked before she killed herself.

I kept to myself mostly. I didn't talk much, and when I did it was only when necessary. I grew my hair out, all the way down my back. I stayed inside and kept a pale complexion year round. My green eyes were framed with a thin circle of black from lack of sleep.

I watch the people here like they're animals, observing how they act with each other. I especially liked to watch the teen girls. They were either "depressed" or had an eating disorder. I wish my life was that petty and simple.

I watch them to see how to act. I've always been here, and I've never had any real interaction with the "outside world". The girls, they act so fake to each other. I can see them pretending to be friends, then telling the worst things about them when they're gone.

I know they talk about me too, even though they know nothing about me. I hear the things they make up, that I'm a killer, or that I cut myself for attention. They say I'm just a freak that no one wants, that's why I've been here for so long. Maybe it's true, but I don't let it bother me. I don't care what they say.

I know they're all pathetic anyway.

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm one of them though. It may seem silly, but I get this yearning in my chest, and I just want to be _normal._ I don't want people to look at me with the "You poor thing" expression anymore.

I know it's better to just blend in with the other "crazy people" here than to worry about the brats-that-are-here-because-daddy-wouldn't-buy-them-a-car-so-they-threw-a-fit-in-spite-of-him people.

* * *

I was sitting on the window seat sketching when I first saw him.

He looked tall even from a distance, and his hair was dark red, almost the color of blood. He had green eyes, and a tattoo of the kanji for love above his eye. He was dressed in all black, though it must have been at least 95 degrees outside.

What really caught my eye though, was the thick dark black rings around his eyes.

He had insomnia.

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**Authors note: Alright, so sorry this is sooo short. At least I gave you two chapters in one day, right? Anyway, I hope I'm doing a good job of kicking this thing off. I hope you understand it, and it's not too confusing. I also hope it's interesting. If you have any suggestions please please please TELL ME! Review for me PLEASE people, or I probably won't continue. Anyway, thanks so so much for reading. **


	3. Three

**Insomnia**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Authors Note: I want to give a very heart-felt thanks to Kallou for reviewing all the chapters on this story, and my others. I'm dedicating this story to her.**

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It wasn't until months later that I would actually talk to the boy.

When he arrived I was so excited. It seems strange, I know, to be excited by yet another patient, but his eyes... he _must_ have had insomnia. I just knew it.

I watched him carefully. Every time he was out of his room my eyes were on him. I suspected he knew I was watching him, but it didn't stop me.

I stared intently at his expression, so stoic, almost like a mask. His mouth was always set in a thin line of a frown, and his arms were crossed 95% of the time. He always dressed in black, and he was thin. I could see his muscles through his shirts.

At night, in the chair, I would draw him. I would try and capture the way his hair was so messy, or the fleeting smirks he had when the nurses seemed uncomfortable with him.

He was at the front of my mind.

I didn't know how to rid myself of him. The feeling of _wanting _was strange to me. All I know was when I saw him my chest constricted and I couldn't tear my eyes away.

What was it I wanted, anyway?

Did I want to tell him, "I have Insomnia too." or did I want something more...?

Was I craving a human relationship with him, something I had never had? Did I want to become his... _friend?_

Before my mother killed herself, I had a friend. Her name was Ino Yamanaka.

She was a bitch.

I thought I was always the one doing wrong in the friendship. She was always yelling at me. What was I to do but listen to her?

I had no other friends, and no way of knowing if I was a good friend or not, so I followed along. It didn't bother me so much really. It was better than always being alone.

The hope of him becoming a friend was soon shattered as I "got to know him" from afar.

He was violent.

The nurses had to drag him down a lot of the time.

He got a lot of narcotics in the first month he was here. Each time the nurses shoved a needle in his arm he thrashed and yelled, and all I could do was watch. His face, so twisted with rage and fear, it tore at me.

Why was this boy such a priority?!

He was on my mind so much I wanted to rip my hair out. My thoughts whirled with possibilities of how we could meet, and what I would say to him. It was always so varied.

The boy was an enigma.

I didn't even know his name.

And yet he dominated my mind.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

* * *

I was watching him, as usual that day. He'd been here for two and a half months now.

I was on the second floor, leaning on the railing, looking down on him.

A nurse was talking to him, and giving him his medication. I knew he never took it. I watched him pretend to swallow it, then spit it into his had and grind it with his fingers.

He was tricky.

When the nurse walked away, the boy turned at just an angle that I could could see every feature of his so perfectly. The way the dark red of his hair framed his pale face, and made his deep green eyes seem flat and cold.

Then, his eyes caught mine.

I felt my breath get caught in my throat, and my heart just stopped.

I was shaking.

I couldn't look away. As much as I knew I _needed to_, I couldn't. I was frozen.

His face was so expressionless. He looked like a murderer, and I felt like his prey.

The strangest thing happened then.

His lips curled into a slight smile, and he turned so slowly, his eyes on mine, and walked away. When our gazes slipped apart, I fell to my knees, clutching the banister.

After a few deep breaths, I stood on shaky legs and walked to my room.

I flipped open my sketch pad, and started to draw him with that smile. The way he was staring into my eyes, with a satisfaction. As though he knew what his stare was doing to me.

I feared him.

I wanted more of him.

* * *

I didn't see him for five weeks.

I had no idea where he was.

My mind was telling me he was gone, checked out probably. My gut was telling me he'd be back.

I couldn't stop the strange hope, that he was still here, from filling my chest and hurting me with more raw _want._

I know, I was pathetic, wanting to see someone I knew nothing about. I wasn't even sure what I wanted from him still.

But that smile on his face... it confused me so much, made me wonder.

He wasn't another fake nobody. He was a real person, with a mind. A free thinker.

I wanted to know what was inside his head.

I was walking to the room with the chair one night when I heard foot steps. They were slow and deliberate, the steps carefully measured. I slowed my pace so I could hear them better. I finally came to a complete halt, and strained my ears to listen.

They were coming towards me.

I felt a sick sense of panic knot in my stomach. My knees felt weak, and my hands went clammy.

The footsteps slowed, and I could see the shadow of a figure standing in the hall directly in front of me.

The person took a few more steps, and instantly I recognized those deep black-rimmed eyes.

His voice was deep and rough, as though he'd been yelling for days. His gaze pierced me as he spoke._ "You..." _

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**Authors Note: Sorry for the cliff hanger there. I was just trying to get another chapter out so I don't disappoint anyone. Anyway, REVIEW! Or I am NOT continuing. Thanks for reading, and again a huge thanks to Kallou.**


	4. Four

**Insomnia**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**

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His voice hit me like a wave.

I couldn't blink. I could feel my eyes burning.

We stood like that for what seemed an eternity, him staring at me, his face blank, and me standing there, paralyzed.

Then he spoke again.

"Why do you always watch me?"

The question weighed down the air, and all I could think was, _He'sLookingAtMeHe'sLookingAtMeHe'sLookingAtMeHe'sLookingAtMeHe'sLookingAtMe._

The boy I had only ever thought about was now a solid reality to me. He had just stepped across the line and was part of my existence, if only for a moment.

His eyes narrowed and he stepped closer.

"_Well?"_ His voice was angry this time.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come.

How could I explain myself, anyway? I watched him in the beginning because he had insomnia. I continued to watch him because he was different than the others here. I couldn't stop watching him because I wanted to know him.

All I could do was shake my head.

I didn't know what to say.

He stepped closer then.

I stepped back. My instincts took over and made me move away from him.

He scared me. My heart was racing, and my knees shaking. I was a pathetic rat, and he a savage lion.

He began walking towards me, a slow and steady gait, so sure of himself. Every step he took forward, I took backward. It was almost like a dance. Our feet moved correspondingly, reacting with each other, and as the pace quickened so did my heart. His smile grew into a manic grin and I saw his teeth.

They were very white, and very _very_ sharp.

Then I hit a wall.

Before I could react his hands were on either side of my face, and I was completely trapped.

My breath caught in my throat and all I could do was look into those deep eyes. All I could see was blood lust.

He was so _close_...

I could feel his breath across my face and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. It was cool and dry, and smelled of nothing.

I bit my lip instinctively.

"Who the fuck are you, anyway?" His voice was cold and emotionless again. That's what really scared me the most. It was almost like he wasn't even human... just some heartless creature that fed on the fear of others.

I was able to whimper out my name through my sticky throat.

"S-sakura."

My small scratchy voice hung in the air between us for a moment.

Then he leaned in even closer.

Our noses were almost touching.

"Well, _Sakura,_"he said my name as though it tasted bad. "What do you want from me?"

My voice was a whisper.

"I don't want anything from you."

He clenched his fists against the wall, and I could see the muscles in his arms go taught.

He was strong.

When I looked back at his face his eyes were closed. He spoke quiet and slow.

"Then why do you watch me every single fucking day?"

His piercing eyes opened and took my breath away again.

I knew I should start talking.

Now.

"Well," I began shakily, "I- I just noticed, when you came here, that you, um, have those dark circles, you know, and I just thought... well, I mean, I figured, you might maybe have insomnia..."

I wanted to die then.

I was _babbling! _Like a stupid school girl! When I was in _danger!_

What was wrong with me?!

"Hn." was all he said.

I stormed my brain frantically, trying to think of what to say next.

I swallowed hard, and closed my eyes. I had nothing. I didn't know what to do. All I could do now was wait.

"You have insomnia, don't you?" His voice was a silky whisper in my ear, and it sent shivers down my back.

I nodded my head slightly and looked at him. He had a strange look on his face. It was almost... sympathetic.

I blinked and looked at him for a long time. He was several inches taller than me, and had to lean down to be so close. His eyes were closed again, and he was breathing sort of heavy.

Without thinking I reached up and stroked the top of his eyelid, where it was the darkest black. His skin was so cold and smooth, like stone.

The next thing I knew my head snapped to the side and my face was numb.

I blinked quickly and looked at him. His face was livid.

"I-I'm sorry!" I said quickly. "I just-"

His angry voice cut me off.

"Don't. _Ever._ Touch. Me."

I held my breath and nodded my head.

My cheek was throbbing now.

He stepped back a few steps, but kept his eyes on mine. After a few seconds, he turned smoothly and walked away. I let my breath out finally and let the wall support me.

A tear slide out of the corner of my eye.

It felt so strange to cry again.

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**Authors Note: Okay, so I am _really really really sorry!_ I know this chapter is short, and has taken like forever to get out, but I just was getting stuck a lot. I didn't want to make anyone too OOC, and I hope I did a good job with them. Anyway, thanks sooo so much for reviewing everyone! I really appreciate it. I think from here on the story will be updated more, and might be moving more smoothly, so please bear with me right now. Thanks so much, R&R :)**


	5. Five

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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Over the next few weeks I avoided looking at him as much as possible, but I couldn't help my gaze from landing on him time to time. When it did, I felt my body ache with longing, but for what I did not know.

Time passed agonizingly slow at first. I felt almost robotic as I went through the motions of each day. My thoughts were focused on not thinking about him.

When we passed each other in the hall, I felt an electricity between us that made the hairs on my arm stand on end. My breathing and heart-rate would quicken, even after he was long gone.

My cheek had bruised slightly, and I had to conceal it with makeup for a few days after our encounter. Every time I did, I suddenly had a flash of his face in mine, smiling his demonic smile and it sent shivers down my spine.

Thinking of him so close to me made my head spin.

* * *

Christmas was approaching. Every year, patients go home for Christmas, to be with their families. Since I didn't have any, I always stayed. It was usually the quietest time of the year.

By the time everyone had left, there were only six of us that ended up staying. One of those was Gaara.

My heart swelled at the thought of him being here almost alone with me. Then I realized how silly a thought that was.

I shook my head and knitted my eyebrows together, annoyed with myself for thinking such a thing. I could see him narrow his eyes at me in my peripheral vision.

I walked up the stairs slowly and went to my room. I sat next to my window and looked out at the courtyard. It had been snowing non stop for the past two nights and the snow covered everything in a shimmering white wash.

My left temple throbbed. I sighed, and decided to take a nice hot shower to relax me.

I gathered my toiletries and headed for the woman's showers.

As soon as I stepped into the hot spray I could feel my shoulders relax. I stood with my eyes half lidded and let the water hit my neck and run down my body.

Eventually the water started to run cold, so I turned it off and stepped out. I wrapped my towel around me, and then realized I'd left my clothes back in my room.

I stepped out of the shower room. When I opened the door, the steam rushed out around me. The cool air in the hall sent goosebumps across my skin, and I crossed my arms. I headed down the hall, and as I turned the corner I felt my body collide with someone else's.

I fell backwards, one hand holding my towel up, and the other bracing my fall. I pulled my knees together and looked up.

It was Gaara.

His face was blank, but his eyes were primal. They scanned my body and I felt it go hot. I knew my face was red.

His eyes then focused on mine, and he held my gaze. His chest was heaving in deep slow breaths, and I could see how tense his shoulders were.

He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a low growl. The next thing I knew, his hand was around my arm and he was pulling me up. He was already walking away before I had time to register what was happening.

The skin he touched felt hot and delightful.

* * *

I always felt guilty for having to stay during Christmas, because that meant nurses had to stay. I was keeping them from their families. Every year, we would decorate the institution for Christmas. We even had a real tree in the main lobby.

Two weeks before Christmas, the counselors assigned us tasks to do in order to get the decorations and put them up.

They wanted us to work in groups. I ended up being paired with a quiet shy girl, Hinata. We were supposed to hang lights along the fence outside.

We trudged out into the snow. Hinata handed me the lights, and I strung them. We were finished in an hour, and headed back inside. We were sent up to the attic to help look for tree ornaments.

There was already a pair up there, a small brown haired girl with glasses and a dirty blonde boy.

I started sorting through boxes stacked up on the far right wall and Hinata went to join the others. I got lost in my task, and when I looked up the three of them had gone.

"_So much for partners." _I thought with a scowl.

I sigh and continued to sort.

* * *

Minutes later, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I looked towards the doorway, expecting it to be Hinata coming back to help.

Instead, it was Gaara who materialized.

I tried to keep my face blank, to hide my idiotic excitement. The look on his face was equally blank.

He closed his eyes and talked slowly, deliberately.

"I was told to come help you."

"Okay" was all I could manage to say. My voice came out in a whisper, and he opened his eyes slowly. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but turned and walked to the opposite wall instead.

I let out my breath that I hadn't known I was holding and blinked a few times.

I looked back at the boxes. I was a little over half way through them, and the rest would go quickly because most of them had labels.

Soon I looked through the last box and stood. I wiped the dust from my pants and gave the room a look around.

I walked through the rows and rows of furniture and clothing. Everything was old and antique looking.

At the back of the room, there was a big wind up Victrola. I walked to it slowly and ran a finger down it, leaving a clean streak in the dust.

"I wonder if it still works." I said to myself.

"The records are over here." I heard a low voice say. I turned, and saw that Gaara was crouched on the floor, in front of a wooden crate, staring at me.

I flushed red and walked over to the crate. I crouched down slowly until I was eye level with Gaara, and looked at the records. There was everything from blues to classic. I picked up a Sigur Ros album and took it over to the Victrola.

At first it was all static, but once the music started it came out clear and beautiful.

I stood staring at the spinning record when I felt someone close behind me. I turned around and was caught between Gaara and the Victrola.

His eyes were the most alluring green I'd ever seen.

"Why don't you sleep?" The question escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

He closed his eyes for a long moment and then looked into mine.

"If I fall asleep, then I will be vulnerable to my demons. They will take over."

My brow furrowed. Demons? I opened my mouth to question him further, but he placed his finger on my lips.

"Don't ask questions you don't want answers to."

His hand dropped, and he stepped back a couple of steps.

Suddenly his eyes portrayed the same hunger I had seen in them before, when I ran into him. I felt my face go red and I dropped my eyes.

I watched his feet as he walked out of the room, and I listened to his footsteps as they thumped down the steps, slowly fading into the record playing and my heart thumping in my chest.

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**Hopefully I will work on this story more from now on. Feedback would be much appreciated. **


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